Columns

My daughter Abby has a terminal illness called Sanfilippo syndrome. This condition has stolen so much of Abby from our family. Witnessing her decline is extremely hard. It is difficult now to remember what Abby was like before her disease progression. She used to talk in complete sentences. She…

I am raising a terminally ill child, my daughter, Abby. This has caused many to call me a hero, warrior, or fighter, among other things. While these are flattering terms and to be taken as compliments, I do not necessarily feel like they describe me. One reason people have used…

I spent a lot of time with Abby a couple of weeks ago. Her caregiver was sick, so I knew I’d be spending several days with her. I had two options: I could be angry at Sanfilippo syndrome, which makes caregiving necessary in the first place, and fall…

It’s been a while since I’ve had what I consider a “depressive episode.” I had one this week. Some may argue that feeling low for a few hours shouldn’t qualify as an episode, and I’m not trying to diminish the severity of depression. However, the crippling…

My daughter, Abby, is 24 and has Sanfilippo syndrome, which will one day claim her life. I already feel like she’s gone, though. I had never even thought of the idea of grieving the loss of someone who is still living until now. It is a sad reality, but I…

Jan. 1 always brings up difficult feelings for me. Even before Sanfilippo syndrome entered our lives, New Year’s was a holiday for reflection — which isn’t necessarily an easy thing to process. Each year, thoughts about what the coming year has in store and what next Jan. 1 will look…

Parenting a terminally ill child carries emotional baggage. It can be subtle or sudden and feel like an extra weight to carry around every day. The feeling of bitterness particularly resonates with me and has developed over time. I am normally an upbeat, positive person. I am generally happy…

In this column, I want to focus on a word that has been particularly difficult for me to talk about in the past. While it has synonyms such as envy or desire, this week I’m writing about the “J” word: jealousy. It’s hard not to be jealous sometimes when particular…

Parents of terminally ill and special-needs children experience a multitude of emotions. Our feelings lie across a wide spectrum, and sometimes we feel many emotions at once. Each person’s reaction is different, too — no two parents are exactly alike. However, I think that we all experience similar feelings at…

I recently read a column about a teen whose brother has special needs. A lot of what the author said was spot on. She described what I experienced with my sister, Abby, when I was younger. As I read it, I thought about the small, often overlooked population of Sanfilippo…

I have a love-hate relationship with the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason.” I understand why people say it and what it means on the surface. But when faced with a disease like Sanfilippo syndrome, it’s hard to come to terms with it. The “reason” part…

This time of year is a good opportunity to take stock of the wonderful people in our lives. Here is my inventory of those to whom I am sincerely grateful. My husband, Jeff, is my constant. He is always there for me with unfailing love. He loves me through the…

My relationship with my dad has always been about tough love. He has very high expectations for me, we’re both quick-tempered, and we have plenty of disagreements. When I was younger, my dad was strict because he knew I was smart and should have behaved better. We had our share…

Do you ever feel like your faith is being tested? Like God is trying to see how much you can take? I don’t think God is malicious and means to push us to our breaking point, but it feels that way sometimes. Getting diagnosed with cancer and having your child…

Raising a special-needs child can be isolating. You think no other child is like yours, and other parents won’t understand the daily challenges you face. When I thought my daughter Abby had autism, I didn’t join a support group or seek out other moms of children with autism. I felt…

This week, I want to shed some light on a special group of people who carry me through this trying and emotional life as a Sanfilippo sibling: my friends. I didn’t know how my sister Abby’s diagnosis of Sanfilippo syndrome would affect my friendships. I was carrying…

Children with Sanfilippo syndrome often have neurotypical siblings. These are rough waters for parents to navigate. You love them equally, but how do you adequately care for their differing needs? My oldest daughter, Abby, has Sanfilippo syndrome. Her sister, Emily, is unaffected. Emily is incredibly smart, beautiful, kind, and…

Earlier this year, I wrote a post called “Special Sisters.” For this week’s column, I want to expand on some of the things I said about my special relationship with my sister, Abby. Growing up with a special-needs sibling, as I’ve mentioned previously, was (and is) difficult. It’s easy…

People often don’t like talking about sad topics. They probably feel they lack adequate words. Most want to offer advice, or say something to make another person’s life better. But if you have experienced a sad event, you can’t avoid it. You wake up thinking about it, and it is…

I have had many turning points in my life. I often divide my existence into “before” and “after” my mom’s and sister’s diagnoses, but I experienced another transformation after those milestones. Following the first diagnosis, my mom’s cancer went into remission, but the threat of metastasis loomed. I looked at…